Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
