You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
