i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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