onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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