You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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