trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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