Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
