you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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