i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
