we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
