No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
