the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
