this boner is exhausting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
