my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize