Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
