Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
