How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
