My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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