I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
