Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
