3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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