she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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