Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
