Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
