WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
