Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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