hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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