I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize