i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize