watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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