Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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