I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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