she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
