do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
