After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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