So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
