Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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