There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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