he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
