Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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