Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
