"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
