Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
