Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
