Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
