Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize