I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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