We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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