I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
