areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
