i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
