Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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