That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
