Having a random hookup so left but love u
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
