sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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