i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize