He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
