Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
