When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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