So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
