Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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