Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
