I'm jealous of your bromance
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
