i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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