i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
