He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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