the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
