those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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