my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
