I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
