Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
